Just thinkin' about recent news articles
September 28, 2017

Good news: Scientists have discovered a new species of giant rat
- Washington Post
     I'm thinkin'... This is good or at least entertaining news to me for a couple of reasons. First, though I have ambivalent feelings about the way civilization has overpopulated this planet, its specialization of labor has extended so far that it can include someone who spends a great deal of time looking for a rat. Second, I am also fascinated that the planet is still big enough that a mammal of substantial size can still be newly discovered by academia.
Jerry Richardson, players meet to talk 'social issues'
- NFL.com
     NFL Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson doesn't want his players to protest during the National Anthem, so he issued a statement that includes, "Politicizing the game is damaging and takes the focus off the greatness of the game itself and those who play it."
     I'm thinkin'... Okay! Let's exclude politics. Let's get rid of all the flags and anthems and jingoism at ballgames.
North Korea has taken provocative actions for decades, but this time could trigger war
- USA Today
     I'm thinkin'... What would Neville Chamberlain do? If the answer could be found, there would be at least one thing to cross off the list of options.
Roy Moore Wins Senate G.O.P. Runoff in Alabama
- New York Times
     A commenter on the article writes, "Roy Moore is a good man. We need more people in public office who are strong supporters of God."
     I'm thinkin'... Yeah, and public stonings and stuff. But first let's pray away all those dang hurricanes; that'll fix 'em!
Puerto Rican devastation could mean more Florida voters
- Politico
     "David Efron, an attorney who splits his time between Miami and San Juan [...] said the political consequences could be steep for Trump if there's a mass exodus.
     "'Trump should be doing everything in his power to rebuild Puerto Rico and keep people here. Otherwise they're coming to Florida,' he said, 'and they're not voting for Trump.'"
     I'm thinkin'... How long will it be before Trump calls Puerto Ricans moving to Florida "immigrants"?
Dentist splices himself into 'Star Wars' footage for hilarious root canal promo
- Golf Digest
     I'm thinkin... I have the dubious advantage of having been a Catholic child, so I am inured to unexplainable phenomena, e.g., the Holy Trinity (three Persons in one God), which I accepted as a "mystery" beyond the intellectual reach of humankind. Otherwise, my brain might not have a ready place to compartmentalize the question of why this piece is in Golf Digest. Maybe the resolution is that the included three-minute video is novel enough to be linked randomly anywhere on the web —like here, for example. No Jesus in this pizza, dammit
Archaeologists find possible site of Jesus's [sic] trial in Jerusalem
- Washington Post
     I'm thinkin... Insofar as I may be still a recovering altar boy, the crashing agendas of legitimate archaeologists and Biblical exegesists can make my head spin. Is that Jesus or General Custer on my Amy's Margherita Pizza? If it's Jesus, it'll bring a lot more attention and funding. I think it's Jesus.
A groom jumped into a pond during his wedding photo shoot to save a boy from drowning
- Washington Post
     I'm thinkin'... Does the groom's swim make him a dunkin' I-do nut?

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